This topic has a special place in my heart because we were infultrated by one of the most incidious pieces of trash I have ever known. We were able to thwart this person from taking my father from house and home, but this person got away with $250K tax free dollars. She's a big reason I decided to do this site-- to share some of the things I wish I would have done differently, so that if you're reading this in this situation, you can take appropriate action. It took one day, a few hours, of leaving my father out of my site-- and he was on his way to an appointment with an attorney to change his will, 30 days prior to the day he died. Once the damage was done, this woman did not return to the situation, and left my father to die alone. At the same time, with her being successful at sucking up to all the right people in the family to get her paid down the road (personal representative, trustee).
One of the biggest hurdles for myself, and I think a lot of people in these kinds of situations is denial. It's very painful to come to terms that people could stoop to such lows. Even worse when you realize it's happening in front of your face. It's the kind of situation you wish would just go away. It makes dealing with everything else that's happening that much harder. The reality is if you suspect it's happening, it most likely IS happening, and it MUST be dealt with. Chances are, if they finally do leave the situation, it's because they've been successful at manuvering themselves into the will or trust, or, simply taking money (or things) while the person is still alive. If they do up and leave one day for no apparent reason....I'd check the will if I were you.
The bottom line is these people have to be removed from the situation, by any means necessary. This is difficult sometimes because they have woven themselves into the hearts of your loved one. They will not think twice about putting lies into your loved one's head, and turning them against you. You want to leave your loved one out of this discussion. Because, frankly, if the Golddigger has made it this far-- exposing the truth to your loved one, is just going to break their heart, in the last moments of their life.
What I would suggest is dealing with them outside of the situation. By the situation I mean wherever your loved one is at. They have to be afraid to come back. There are many ways to do this-- and I'm sure your imagination can run wild. I'm not necessarily condoning criminal behavior-- but I am suggesting that you do whatever you can do (short of getting arrested). Because once the damage is done, and your loved one has passed, there is no turning back. If there's still time, there's still time. It's a lot cheaper to get out of jail sometimes than it is hiring attornies to "fight" in your behalf down the road. Make a business decision.
This would be a good time to become familiar with the law. If you have close personal friends who are attorneies, or perhaps in law enforcement-- this would be the time to talk to them. Do a background check on your suspect if you haven't already. Its also beneficial to keep a journal of all events taking place with dates, times, and any other witnesses. If there are any reciepts to gather, gather them. There is no substitute for a complete journal down the road-- as time skews your perception of what happened, chain of events, and who was involved in the situation. Further than that, get a recorder, and start speaking into it directly.
If this is happening at a hospital, make sure nurses are adding notes to the chart-- especially if there is suspicious behavior. You want them to make notes of who was in the room, what visitors, and at what times. They are not stupid, and see this thing all the time. Perhaps you can find a nurse that is compassionate with your situation. Don't be afraid to ask for help. This is unique situation, and not everyone goes through it-- nor knows what it's like. However, if you can find someone that has "been there", they can be your best allie at time time.
At the end of the day-- you do all you can do. Doing everything in your power to remediate the situation (while staying out of jail) is what is going to help you sleep at night when its all said and done. It's terrible enough we must lose the people we love, and its not fair we have deal with things like Golddiggers. I think that's one of the things I had to come to terms with the quickest-- is noboby ever said "life is fair". In the grand scheme of things, when you look at your situation in the presence of another with even worse pain-- it puts it in perspective. Its useful to find people have been through even harder times, and worse situations.
As for the Golddiggers, in the chance they get away with it, they will have to live with what they've done. Some believe in karma, some believe in the Theory of Relativity...and the further I get away from situations, I'd have to agree. Take a look at Anna Nicole Smith. Read about that story, look at what she did, and where she is today. That's just a blaitant example-- but when you get right down to it, all the similarities ring true. If it hasn't happened right away...give it some time. That money they're trying to steal is "blood money". It will most likely be the worst decision they've ever made.
Why people will do things like this, I'll never know. Actually, I do know, but it's just not me. And, if you're reading this, it's probably not you either. You're a good person, one with morals, and values... who could never live with taking advantage of a situation like this. The scarrey thing is how easy it is to do-- and that there's people out there without as much moral fortitude. They only care about themselves, and are willing to go to any lengths to impose their will.
If I could give you any advice at all during this time, if you are right in the "middle" of this situation: if you think it's happening, its proably happening. Do what you can to confront this head on. Try to keep your loved one out of it. Try to gain the support of your family, so you may be a united front against this person. And, if you're afraid....that's OK....Having courage does not mean not having fear. It means taking action despite that fear. You will never regret taking action when this is all finished. Even if the person has "successfully" infiltrated the situation...with a united front, and a determined heart...if your loved one is still alive, there is time to make things right.
God Bless,
DP
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