Clearing the Situation: Of Evildoers

From my own experience, I went through a period where my senses were heightened...dramatically.  I was hyper sensitive to what was going on around me, and my intuition was at an all time high.  Trusting that intuition is going to be one of your best allies during this time.  There will most likely come a point, if it has not happened already, that lines will be drawn in the sand.  People take their sides, and posture up.  The quicker you can make the situation safe for yourself and loved one—to sooner you can focus all your attention on simply “being there” for the person you’re going to lose.

If you are the person "in charge" at this time, meaning you're the power of attorney or health care surrogate, all eyes will be on you.  You will be looked upon as a leader by some, and as the devil by others.  Especially if hard decisions have to be made, and there will probably come a time when that happens.  Decisions like stopping life support, calling for a hospice intervention, paying bills, talking to doctors, and simply what to do next.  A leader must emerge during this time, and if you’re reading this, it probably should be you.  If this is left to someone else, with ill intent, it can cut you off from time spent with your loved one, and worse, have them take advantage of your loved one in the most vulnerable times of their life.

What is not written on health care directives or power of attorney papers is the fact that you need to do whatever you can to "protect" the weak and vulnerable.  Don't be surprised if people start showing up out of the blue asking for money owed.  Don't be surprised when relatives start to decent upon the situation-- either wanted or unwanted, with open hands and a crocodile tear in their eye.  

Don't be afraid to take all the valuables and store them in a safe place during this time (jewelry, cash, other items of value).  There is a fine line between doing what's right, and pissing the person off that you're trying to protect.  You have to wear many hats. However, this is one mantra that worked well for me during this time..."do exactly what Dad wants me to do...or what I know Dad would want done."  

If you've been given this power and trust by your loved one-- they obviously have some sort of faith in you.  Don't be afraid to exercise that strength-- and let everyone else know who's in charge.  If there are suspecting people looming around the situation-- do your best to get rid of them, IMMEDIATELY.  If you feel in your heart they are "up to no good", you're probably right.  Do what you can to "clear" the situation.  Just like when the SWAT team rushes through building looking around every corner with guns drawn.  You must do everything you can to remove any enemies or evildoers at this time.  The longer you wait, to let them dig in...the harder its going to be to get rid of them.  Remove anyone from the situation you fear will cause harm-- whether physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual.  You don't have to do this right in front of your loved one's face, unless it’s absolutely necessary.  Do not, and I repeat, do not settle for anything less than a cleared situation.

Once you've done this, it’s going to be easier to gather yourself and see the work that really needs to be done.  It will be much easier to make difficult decisions when all that is there are health care providers, or hospice, and 100% loyal/supportive family members and true friends.  You may be surprised to find out who your real friends are during this time.  People who have been so called "friends" for years may end up not being there at all-- for whatever selfish reasons.  This is a time when you're going to we walking through your days with truth goggles.  You may be seeing the world for the first time, and sometimes, it isn’t pretty.

Once you've cleared the situation, you can also put 100% of your energy into being with the person you love, that is going to pass.  They deserve your total attention.  This time can be used to make any final direct amends you need to make.  Do not waste this time.  Be courageous.  There is never a time when you've said "I love you" too many times.  You cannot overdue it here.  It is easy to run away from these kinds of situations, as its very painful.  If you're afraid....that's OK....be afraid, and tell them you love them anyway, tell them you're sorry for "X" anyway.  Take advantage of any time you have left where they're still awake and alive.  You'll never regret this time you've spent.  On the contrary, you might never forgive yourself for wasting this precious time.

I do not preach violence, but you must be willing to do whatever you can do to keep this sacred space, sacred.  If people are trying to break through the gates, you must be very aware of what their intentions are.  Sometimes there are legitimate people that want to be there for genuine reasons.  Perhaps they want to make their own amends, or express their love or gratitude for this person before they go.   

However, don't be fooled by people who are just positioning themselves for what could be a payday in the long-term, or simply, stealing in the short term. This is a time to act decisively, directly, and fiercely.  You must be willing to through your life on the line, to protect the person you love.  They need you now, more than ever.  This is a time when boys become men, and girls become women.  It’s time to rise to the occasion.

Also, be wary of the drugs that may be in the house, and what kind of people that attracts.  Sometimes those people are in the immediate family.  If Hospice is involved there is most likely a large amount of narcotics at the premises.  If you haven't already done so, get a safe.  Even a $20 Walmart heavy lock box is better than nothing.  Keep everything in one place, and have one person in charge of distributing the medication- preferably you.

This is a difficult time.  In an ideal world, this should be a time spent of service to the person you love.  Being there, 100%.  The talks you have with that person will be cherished for the rest of your life.  You may see them in a new light, and vise versa.  As death approaches, people may change.  You may enter the realm of the sacred.  You may have a spiritual awakening, or many.  You may have a time of reconciliation, peace, and harmony.  You may see how all the fighting that went on during you life with this person, was just a façade.  What counts here, is that you love them, and they love you too.  In my experience, this kind of environment of healing (through death), is only possible once the situation is clear.

The Purpose Of This Site

This site is for people in one of the hardest situations they will most likely ever face.  Someone is in trouble.  Time is not on their side.  Someone is close to death, or it may have already happened.  "What am I supposed to do?"  Regardless of the illness or circumstances, the feeling are the same.  It is terrifying, it is agonizing, and it is most certainly...real.  On top of that, if there is money, property, or "stuff" left over...don't be suprised when the rodents start crawling out of the woodwork-- perhaps it has already happened.  It can go from bad to worse, fast.  It is my experience that Death & Money bring out the absolute worst in human beings.

We will be covering points regarding wills, trusts, estates, taxes, health care directives, power of attorneies, grief, mourning, bereavement...and all relevant topics that apply.  I will be enlisting the help of professionals, lawyers, doctors, real estate agents, private detectives, and notary publics.  We will be approaching this from a laymens standpoint, to help you understand.  We are hear to point you in the right direction.  We are here to give you the strength and encouragement to put you into action.  If there is still time....there is still time to make things right.  This is about practical knowledge and common sense that can help safeguard your newly found money, property, and stuff.....so that the vermin don't get their hands on it.

A few years back I watched A Golddigger, an Unethical Slob Attorney, maniacal psychopathic family members, and the government take over $500,000.00 from my father's estate.  Money that should have gone to my brother and I-- my father was divorced.  Money that should have gone to our children...is now gone from our hands forever....our Bloodmoney.  While $500K may seem like a drop in the hat for some-- it was a large portion of the entire estate, and life changing money for my immediate family.

My father died of cancer at the age of 53 years old.  For anyone who knows what cancer does, he was driven to a point of complete vulnerability.  Had it not been for my efforts, and help from my brother-- we would have lost more than we did.  Had we had correct guidance (guidence without motive), and family members to lean on-- a lot could have been done differently.  We were young, naive, and scarred to death.  We did the best we could-- but looking back, we could have done much better.  Hindsight is always 20/20.  I want my hindsight to be your immediate answer, so you do not have to endure what I've had to endure.  If I can help one person, in this entire world wide web with this blog-- that will bring tremendous peace in my heart.  Perhaps you are in this situation right now.  I want you to know, you are not alone.  You may have to do things that are not popular, you may have to take a stand-- but I'm here to tell you, you can do it.

There may still be time to  salvage what inheritance that is rightfully yours.  There might still be time protect your loved one, and clear the situation of any predators with malicious intent.  It may be YOUR JOB to do this, as nobody is going to care more about this than you.  It may be your time to rise to the occassion, to be a man, to be a woman...and to step up to the plate.  Your loved one's may have done this for you your entire life...and now they are weak, need your help.  They need someone strong.  They need a protector.  If you are reading this now, and can identifiy with what I'm saying, than the process has probably already begun.

There will come a day, when your loved one has passed away.  Knowing what to do "after the fact", could be the difference between saving hundreds, and hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Knowing what help you need, who to enlist, and what to do on your own, is critical information.  Getting in the wrong hands, taking advise from people who could benefit financially from your misery, can make all the difference in the world.  This site will cove topics that will help you deal with what to do "after the fact".  If that is your situation, this site is for you too.

The posts will cover one situation at a time.  We will do our best to ensure we give you unbiased information.  However, at the end of the day-- having professional help will most likely be necessary.
What I have to share with you is my own personal experience, my opinions, and something I am deeply passionate about.  I do not claim to have all the answers.  Nor will I assume responsibility if something suggested doesn't "go your way".  However, having no dog in your fight might make all the difference in the world when it comes to helping you-- I have nothing to gain.  If you haven't found out already-- those people are few and far between.  If you have questions, feel free to message me, I'll do my best to steer you in the right direction.   Till next time...

God Bless.
-DP